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What You Want to Know About Push & Pull Energies

Magnetic Attraction

I am often asked to explain the difference between push and pull energies. It’s helpful to recognize which one you’re emitting so that you can bring toward you more of what brings you joy and less of what doesn’t.

Do you remember playing with magnets as a kid? Think of these terms as the interaction between two magnets. When you’re giving off a pull-energy, you’re drawing people and your aspirations to you quickly and easily. When you’re giving off a push-energy, you’re energetically pushing other people and your desired circumstances away.

With magnets, opposite poles attract, while like poles repel. The reason for this is the directional flow of energy comes in through the magnet’s south pole and exits the north pole. Opposite poles connect because energy is flowing in the same direction. The same poles facing each other creates a push energy and they’ll never meet, no matter how much you force it.

So how can you tell which energy you’re giving off?

I’ll give two generalized examples that may trigger memories of people you’ve engaged with before.

Example 1:

Ashley (made up name) really, really, really wants to be your best friend. She doesn’t have many and complains that people are always making excuses for why they’re too busy to accept her many invitations to hang out. She shares this with you in the hopes to pull on your compassion strings. When you agree to meet her for lunch, she spends the time lamenting over how her boss has it out for her, her coworkers never invite her to lunch and all she really wants is for them to be nice to her. She fishes for validation and compliments, and when you give them, she hangs on your words like a lifeline.

At the end of lunch, she tries to get you to commit to a day and time for your next outing, which she’d love to be dinner tomorrow. When you explain you have plans, she presses you with a bunch of other options until you run out of excuses and commit. Then she tells you that she hopes you won’t be as flakey as her other friends while giving you an uncomfortably long, tight hug like she’s going to squeeze the air out of you. You leave hoping to catch the plague so you have a legitimate excuse to cancel and be quarantined without visitors.

Example 2:

Ellie looks radiant, although there is nothing in particular about her physical characteristics that would set her apart in a crowd. She walks in a room and people naturally gravitate toward her. Strangers hold doors open for her as she approaches, hostesses make eye contact with her first amongst a crowd, and she beams with an inner joy and confidence.

You meet her for lunch and everything feels comfortable and easy. Conversation flows, you both laugh easily and frequently, and there is an equal exchange of chatting. There’s just something about her that brings out the best in you. You leave the lunch feeling light and airy, both knowing you’ll get together again soon without any need to set specific plans.


My hunch is you recognize that Ashley has the push energy and Ellie has the pull energy.

I invite you to recall a paste experience with your Ashley. How did you physically feel around them? What was your corresponding behavior toward them?

Ok, now shake that off and recall an experience with your Ellie. How did you physically feel around them?  What was your corresponding behavior toward them?

Congratulations, you now know viscerally what push and pull energies are.

So what specifically causes this?

Ashley believes that she needs others to be and act a certain way in order for her to be happy. The more desperately she needs and craves the approval and company of others, the more she forces it away, which only compounds her anxiety about it. She’s flustered, so she tries harder. She’s also learned that pity can temporarily get her what she wants, so she shares her victim-story liberally hoping to reel in an unsuspecting bleeding heart.

Ellie, on the other hand, accepts people and circumstances as they are without a desire to change them. She believes that only she controls whether she’s happy or sad, and she chooses joy. She knows what is in her control and what isn’t. She trusts that everything, even what others might view as a misfortune, is as it should be. Her casual approach and natural confidence sets others at ease.

What does this mean for you?

The power is yours to create. If you notice that things just aren’t going your way, especially when you really, really “need” them to…you’re probably giving off a push energy. The only way to release it is to surrender into and accept whatever is while also tuning into an abundance mindset.

Here are 5 simple steps to loosen your push and embrace your pull:

  1. Recognize that the only thing within your control is yourself, your behavior and your thoughts. The more you try to control or change others, the less likely that will happen. (This doesn’t mean we condone or approve of other’s hurtful behavior, it merely means we accept them as they are.)
  2. Recognize what you can and can’t control about your circumstances. Change what you can, let go of the rest.
  3. Adopt the mantra: “I accept things exactly as they are. Everything is as it should be because that is reality.”
  4. Acknowledge that in this very moment (right now), you have everything you need. (Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this, you’d be dead or held captive in someone’s basement.)
  5. Turn your attention toward fun and relaxing activities. The more you can create the feeling states of joy and peace within yourself, the more you elevate your vibration to match a pull one.

If you aren’t able to shake a push energy with the above 5 steps, scheduling a one-on-one coaching session can allow us to dive deeper and offer you a fuller release around bigger challenges. Let’s talk!

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How to Build Abundance

Rainbow Assortment of Pebbles

Manifesting abundance is not necessarily a linear path. It’s not like you meditate and then your boss gives you a raise (although it could happen!). Abundance works more mysteriously and fortuitously than that.

Over the past year and a half, I’ve focused on shifting my scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset with a variety of self-coaching tools and meditations. And it’s working, although to the outside world it might appear that nothing has changed or that it’s sheer luck.

Like the time I was turning left at a protected green light and an oncoming car ran a red light and totaled my Honda. We had planned to sell it for about $4,500. Insurance gave us $7,800 for the car and an additional $500 to waive any future medical claims.

Or how I absolutely love to travel and three friends invited us on three different vacations. Each offered to pay for accommodations and activities if we covered our own flights. And since my husband has hundreds of thousands of miles banked from years of corporate travel, we fly for free. Hello Hawaii, Mexico and Tahoe!

Abundance is more than financial, though. We can manifest abundance in love, friendship/community, health, career opportunities, and playful activities; you name it! I personally love manifesting wild animal interactions. (And if you follow my blogs, you’ll know that I see an unusual amount of them!)

The key is to realize and acknowledge all the areas of our lives that are plentiful. We bring more of whatever it is that we focus on. If we spend most of our time thinking about what we don’t have enough of, we’ll get less. If we notice and are grateful for what we do have, we’ll get more. Simple as that.

Here are four suggestions to get you started:

  1. Keep a gratitude journal. I begin and end my day with what I’m grateful for.
  2. Throughout the day, notice what you have a lot of. That could be coffee and tea options in the office break-room, blades of grass and leaves on trees as you walk from your car to your front door, or even licks from your dog if you hold your hand out.
  3. Practice guided meditations on abundance. This simple practice has allowed me to connect with my higher self and inner wisdom that knows I’m always safe and will always have more than I need.
  4. Give others what you want to receive. If you want more love, give love freely. If you want more time, give your focused time to others. If you want acknowledgement of your contributions, genuinely acknowledge others. (And do so without the expectance and pressure of reciprocity.)

May you feel loved. May you feel safe. May you know peace. May you live abundantly!


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The Energy of Money

Find Your Serenity with Life Coaching

I was recently watching a video of Martha Beck talking about the energy of money. When someone is vibrating at the same frequency with it, it flows freely…when someone’s energy is tense and tight about it, they miss each other.

“Money issues exist independently – they don’t track to our pocket books or bank accounts; they track to our belief system,” said Martha Beck. “The irony is that we tell ourselves that it’s realistic thinking. That we need more to feel good.”

It is the Western cultural belief system that the presence of physical money will somehow make us feel more stable or secure. It’s the fish-bowl effect. If you put a goldfish in a small fishbowl, the fish will stay small. If you transfer the fish to a giant aquarium, the goldfish will grow huge and take up the space. Having “more” simply makes us want for “more.” But how much is “enough?” The goal line continues to move further and further away if the belief system that supports it is based on believing that money will create the feelings of safety and security.

Instead, if we focus on tapping into the feeling states of safety and security – we create an open flow of abundance toward us in many forms.

If your limiting beliefs about money (ex: “I don’t have enough!” “What if I lose it all?” “Why am I hemorrhaging money?”) result in feelings of anxiety, stress, and hopelessness, then of course money won’t be attracted to you. It’s a push energy instead of a pull energy.

The reason socially-determined “rich people” stay “rich” is because that’s normal and expected. If you’ve always had money, why would you not continue to have it? Finances are not a point of stress and therefore it flows to and from affluent individuals as a tool.

Martha offered an interesting perspective that I’ve since pondered and explored. She explained, fairly simply, that money is merely a symbol of value. I value certain consumables and products, therefore I give you a symbol of value in exchange for it, and you then give that to someone else for your own consumables and products.

None of us can eat money. You don’t build a roof of dollar bills and coins to protect you from the elements. I’m not sitting on a mound of cash to be comfortable while I’m writing this. Hence the term “exchange rate.”

Money is neither evil nor good. It is simply neutral. If we use it for evil, or we use it for good, money itself remains merely a tool. It’s the same as a knife. Whether I use a knife to cut meat to eat or to stab someone, the knife itself carries no morality. We give it its value and usefulness. When money is exchanged, it’s all done on computers and in databases tabulating numbers…nothing tangible is actually moved between banks or financial institutions. Even inflation is a concept of a change in value. It’s all perception of worth and completely relative.

When viewed this way, we can then set the foundation for what we consider as wealth. What do we have in abundance that we value?

I couldn’t help but chuckle when Martha offered that she has an abundance of gravity that thankfully keeps her firmly planted on Earth so that she doesn’t float away. (Touché.) She added there is an abundance of oxygen that we can breath freely. Once she started this thought train, I began to think of all the things I have in abundance that I am grateful for. I encourage you to add your own as well:

I have in abundance:

  1. Carbon-Dioxide – I create this gas without any effort at all. I make it in my sleep, and just going about my day. I’ve made it since the day I was born before I was able to do anything else and will continue to create carbon dioxide until I die.
  2. Love from my dog – Pets are the most loving, and lovable, creatures on the planet. If I wanted to snuggle and play with my dog all day, he’d be ecstatic. There is no end to his affection.
  3. Sun – Living in Southern California, it’s pretty much sunny every day. There is so much sun, freely given, that I can simply walk outside and soak it up for as long as the day is long. And even after it goes down, I can still soak in its reflection off the moon. Aside from the warmth and pleasure the sunshine provides, it also gives me plenty of Vitamin D.
  4. Plants – In my community, there is no shortage of grass, trees, shrubbery, flowers and vines. Even Bird of Paradise plants grow like weeds. (My friend, Deb, in Texas shared that florists charge $10 per flower. So I sent her a picture of an overgrown bush of Bird of Paradise I walk by every day that was “worth” at least $500.) Not only are they comforting to admire and walk past, each one is converting my carbon dioxide and providing oxygen for me to breathe.
  5. Natural light in my home – Due to the open and split-level floor plan, I have an abundance of large windows from floor to vaulted ceiling that provide lots of natural light. This provides a peaceful setting to work from home.
  6. Sand, waves and seashells at the beach – Living a mere half mile from the ocean, not only do I have unlimited access to a public beach, there is an abundance of soft sand for my toes to play in and waves that continue to crash against the shore with no end. In addition, every time I go, I come home with bags full of seashells. (More than I have room for at home.) Nature just keeps providing sand, waves and seashells.
  7. Blood – My body is constantly manufacturing blood. I can donate my blood and still have enough to live and function. My body creates more and I can donate again in a few months. Blood carries oxygen and processed food to all parts of my body without my having to “do” anything.
  8. Dreams – Every time I sleep, I dream. I may not remember them all, but I have an abundance of dreams. Even the dreams I remember are so plentiful that I can’t keep up with analysis of them all. My subconscious is creating astoundingly insightful and symbolic dreams as a way of processing the millions of data points my nervous system is ingesting each second of the waking day.
  9. Body Processing Power – My nervous system (specifically my sensory nervous system made up of: eyes, skin, tongue, nose, ears) is innately processing 11-million bits of information per second. This information is so abundant that my cognitive mind can’t equally pace at 40-bits per second.
  10. Creativity – Whether I consider just my own or the combination of creative power across every human on the planet, we have the capacity to be extremely creative and innovative. Artists are consistently churning out completely original pieces and ideating even more. Every day, people are innovating products that improve lives and ways of doing things. Art and innovation is, and always will be, creating new and different objects of value.

Now that I’m on a roll, more areas flow to mind like clouds that provide shade and beautiful sunsets, dirt for growth of food, concrete streets for smooth transportation, dew that appears everywhere each morning and gives plants moisture…the list of abundance goes on…and on…and on.

When I tally all this up, plus more that will come to mind as the days and weeks progress, I am infinitely rich. And so are you. We all are. It’s merely a matter of perspective. Live a life in abundance and prosperity will continue to flow to you in a variety of forms.

I invite you to add your own areas of abundance in the comments below!